Love is a courageous journey. The first heart break is such a shock, some choose never to risk that level of pain again. My first heart break lead me to abandon my career and take to the seas (literally - I learned to sail and became a sailing instructor).
Others throw themselves into the next relationship, hoping or expecting the new love to heal and fix that old pain. Others bargain with it. I will love a little bit. I will let it out in small chunks - maybe I will see you once a week - and then put it back in the box again and move forward with my life safely, until I'm ready to let out another chunk.
This is not love. Love will not be bargained with. If I try and control love, this is simply allowing fear to control me.
So what allows some to choose love with all the risks involved, and others to reject it completely or try and bargain with it?
It comes down to TRUST. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust love to be guiding you on a path that is meant for you?
Love lives in the body. When I'm connected to my body, I can feel my own love. I can feel my own support network. I can feel my ability to be ok. I can feel my ability to make choices that are right for me. I can feel when a risk is based in love - and when it's not.
Fear lives in the mind. It trawls through memories agonising over what I could have done differently...If only I had said this, or not done that....And then it stresses and worries about the future...how much pain might be involved if this new lover decides to leave me...and all the reasons why they might leave me.
Being connected to myself, my own heart, my own inner wisdom means that I am safe to choose love. I am not looking for that safety from someone else. And I am not allowing the mind to run away in a fear based story. The mind wants guarantees. Safety clauses. Answers. Maybe that's why we have marriage - it gives the illusion of safety that the mind craves.
I'm noticing the see-saw between love and fear as it plays out in my own life (and in clients' lives - there are many parallels!)...where those close to me have chosen fear...where I have chosen fear. How re-connecting with myself strengthens my faith in love. And when those I love choose fear and I choose love, all I can do is trust - and keep moving forward.