One of the most distressing things about being single is being in a near constant state of resisting what is and wishing life were different –
that there was someone by your side at parties, someone to meet you at the airport or someone to hold you after a bad day. It can seem as if the whole world is a couple and you are the only non-couple misfit. You can start to feel like a failure and that being single is an affliction – almost a disease! Remember Bridget Jones? (It’s hard for me to forget as by the time the movie was reaching icon status, I was an early 30s singleton called Bridget…as I was constantly reminded!)
What’s needed is a change of perspective.
If you focus on all the things you wish were different, your thoughts will be dominated by lack – and this affects your perspective on everything. So to help you shift your perspective, here are 7 reasons why it’s more than OK to be single :
1) A good night’s sleep. No snoring, no bed hogging, no anxious sleepless nights worrying about the latest argument. Your bedroom is once again your sanctuary.
2) You get to learn healthy boundaries – if you have people pleasing tendencies (as I do), relationships can end up being a compromise of core values and needs – or rather abandonment of your needs for the sake of keeping the relationship alive. This is your opportunity to start to value your needs – so when you do meet your next partner, they value them too.
3) Freedom. There is enormous freedom in being single, particularly if you don’t have children, but also, often when you do. I know many single parents who have shared care – with at least a few days, sometimes a week child free. While this can be a painful adjustment, once made, there is freedom to claim who you are, beyond the roles of wife, husband, mum, dad…If you want to sleep in til lunch time, you can. Don’t want to go out today? No problem. Find out who you are when you just get to be you.
4) Reset your life. This is a chance for a reassessment. If you got together with your ex when you were young, you may have lost sight of what you now want in life. Your life goals, desires and dreams may have drastically changed. Find out what your priorities are and start to live by them.
5) Re-invent your social life. This is a great time to invest in old friends who you may have inadvertently neglected. It’s also an opportunity to make new friends, revive old interests, and find new ones. This kind of newness is exciting and stimulating.
6) It's an opportunity to sexually explore. Often sex becomes non existent, infrequent or routine in long term relationships. You may or may not want lots of new sexual partners now you are single. If you are ready to explore with someone new, you get to express yourself in ways that you may not have felt able to in your previous relationship. Even if you’re not ready to explore with someone else, this is the perfect to explore your body and potential for pleasure through self-pleasuring.
7) After having alone time to nurture yourself, reassess your life, explore your pleasure and create a new social life – you are much more ready for a healthy grounded relationship and to attract in a partner who truly matches you.